I used to be paralyzed by my own perfectionism and fear. Perfectionism at its core is about fear. It’s not about being “perfect” instead it really is about not feeling you are enough. As if your best is never good enough, so why bother?

But that is just a lie many of us have been spoon fed most of our lives. The truth is we can ONLY do our best and nothing more. As we continue to show up for ourselves and stay consistent our best gets better! We gain more experience by doing and not by obsessing over this idea of “perfection”. We learn from our beautiful mistakes, mistakes that can only occur if we TRY! I love the statistic that babies fall 17 times per hour when learning to walk. Those failures don’t stop them from trying though and they pick themselves back up and do it again!

Many of us “recovering perfectionists,” as I so lovingly call us, are highly skilled at planning, and thinking and obsessing over minor, insignificant details. We become overwhelmed, paralyzed, and mentally exhausted by this mental planning and “over preparing” stage. That we often end up talking ourselves out of the doing portion, because we fear we will not be “good enough,” or we are simply overwhelmed by all the mental planning we have been doing. This robs us of the joy of this new and beautiful experience that we so clearly want!

So how do we get out of this mental spiral of perfectionistic planning?! You have to start now and try whatever it is that you want. And you MUST start small though. Don’t set yourself up for failure by taking too big of a jump. Take one small step that you know you can achieve so you can build the necessary momentum to keep going and keep growing. This gives you proof to yourself that you CAN do this.

I was just reminding myself of this last night, and I got this mental image in my minds eye…

Starting something new and starting small is like a snowball rolling down a hill. At first it takes a little more of your energy and courage to initiate rolling that small snowball down the hill, but as it continues to roll it gains momentum and it grows in size! But the snowball all packed and ready at the top of the hill won’t start rolling without a little push. So push past your discomfort, be afraid and do it anyways, because you staying small does not benefit anyone. You staying the small snowball perched at the top of the hill thinking about rolling down and gaining momentum does not help you to grow or move forward. So just give yourself a little push today and see where that push takes you!

In the beginning you may need to “restart” and mindfully push past any resistance a few times until you find your groove and start flowing down the hill. Once you gain enough momentum though ain’t nothing stopping your now massive snowball. Your momentum and mass is simply too strong for resistance. And to think that the massive momentum and GIANT snowball all started with a small snowball of intention AND action is even more motivation to keep you barreling towards your dreams.

You CAN do anything you set your mind too. Listen to your heart. Ignite your passions. And start to build the dream life you deserve. I love the fact that you don’t have to search high and low for your passions, they are and always have been a part of you, they have never left. Allow space and silence for them to reveal themselves. Let go of the resistance to perfection and paralyzing limiting beliefs (I could do a whole post on rewriting limiting beliefs). Instead embrace your passions, embrace love (start with self-love), and be open to the beauty that the Universe has to offer!

Some habits that have helped me to remove the resistance and embrace doing my best and finding my passions:

• Meditation — first thing in the morning! I enjoy meditating with binaural beats music, and I have found a lot of peace and healing with breath work, like, Wim Hof breathing.
• Daily intention setting — in your heart, out loud or write them down.
• Intentional movement — As a strength and conditioning coach I love lifting and strength training, (I can help you with this 😁) but I also love running, yoga, and walking or hiking in nature.
• Journaling — this has been HUGE for my healing journey. I literally started so small. My dear friend got me a 5 year journal with small lines that take 2 minutes or less to fill. Not wanting to miss a day so I could maintain this 5 year journal has been so helpful in building momentum for me. I now journal multiple times daily, and I have an amazing app on my phone, The Day One Journal, that I can add pictures too and use speak to text when my hand can just not keep up with my stream of thoughts. I also have a paper journal that I also use when I really want my intentions to stick, because writing something by hand allows you to be even more intentional and remember things better. Having all these options allows me to be highly consistent and consistency is key when moving past resistance and building a new life for yourself.
• Gratitude — I am sure you have heard by now about the countless studies that prove a daily gratitude practice can literally change your life by improving your mood, health, sleep, life, etc…what I like to do it make it into a daily game. Everyday I pause and feel gratitude for the “glimmers” in my life right when they happen. I think of these “glimmers” as fireflies. I grew up having so much fun catching and releasing fireflies in my childhood backyard. Now as an adult I capture these “glimmers” that sparkle and bring joy to my life just like the fireflies did (and still do).
• What is a “glimmer”? — these are the opposite of “triggers.” They are moments when your nervous system literally feels safe and at peace, and you are fully present in the moment, full of joy. Some examples from my life recently include: standing in my backyard looking up and seeing 7 glorious hawks flying overhead as gentle rain started to fall; being fully present and at peace during an intense workout; enjoying an incredible and delicious home cooked meal!
• Self-love — we give love to so many people in our lives, but to give it to ourselves for many of us seems difficult, even impossible at first. Maybe you are like me and grew up being told that “self-love is selfish.” This could not be farther from the truth. Self-love is everything, it allows you to “fill up your cup” with your own love and attention so that you can give that very same love to other because you are quite literally overflowing with love. Self-love allows you to no longer require external validation and love from others for you to feel worthy, lovable, and joyful. You love yourself like you love others, unconditionally and deeply, because you know you are worthy, beautiful, kind, passionate, and so much more. Starting a self-love practice begins with awareness on how you currently treat and talk to and about yourself. Then, comes the reframing with loads of self-compassion. I talk more about this in my self-love journal that my clients receive when they work with me, but just remember the road to loving yourself is a journey, and it takes time, self-reflection, self-compassion, outlining and sticking to your values, and a whole lot of grace. This journey is the journey I am SO thankful for my past self for starting. Gosh, it was hard and so darn uncomfortable at first. It felt foreign and I thought I was not “good at it,” but really I was just doing my best. My best got better and better as I consistently put in the work and showed myself love and compassion day in and out.
• Choosing activities, friends, foods, etc that make me FEEL good and worthy — spending time with people that don’t know the real you or don’t accept all of you is no way to live. It was something I used to do a lot, and that’s okay. When you know better you do better. Now, I choose to spend my precious time with people that match my vibe, that I can be fully myself around, and that love me for me. I also choose to spend my free time doing things that make me FEEL fulfilled and joyful. I limit my time on social media, because it often makes me feel bad and drained afterwards. I consume foods that are nourishing for my body, mind and spirit and that make me feel full, happy, and that taste delicious!

If you do not do any of the above activities right now, that’s ok, just choose one or two to focus on now, and of course, start small. Meditate in the morning for two minutes then put post-it notes all over the house that are filled with self-love affirmations. When you read them FEEL the love you have for yourself. Bonus — I love having pictures of my younger self in frames throughout my house, or as your phone wallpaper. This is a reminder that you still are that child just with more experience. Your child self deserved love and compassion just as your present self deserves your love and compassion. We CAN learn this new way of living, one day at a time. Be consistent. You are worthy of your own time and effort. You CAN do this! Start your healing journey today!

I love you, and I hope you love you too.🤍✨